Here goes. I know my last post was all about me whining about Disney. I have reread said post, and I considered deleting it. But by now, it has been up for so long that if any damage was or is going to be done by it, it has already been done. So, that being known....here's what you need to know.
I met some truly amazing people at Disney. It was beyond awesome to think, "Hey, I feel like going to Magic Kingdom today." And then realize I could do that. And if I wanted, I could ride It's a Small World eight times and wink at the winking hippo every time and bow and say, "Arigato" every time I passed the Japanese kids. Because, I'm a huge dork. I'm perpetually seven. For a while, I lost that. Not gonna lie, I was pretty bitter about losing the job at Disney. I thought I was a shoe-in. In a lot of ways, I am. You're still not going to convince me that there's a living person that knows more about the Disney brand than I do. But, then I thought about it, and logistically, it just would not have worked. I don't think my parents would mind me posting this, and if they do, that's my problem. But, if you know me, you know that I'm not self-sufficient. My parents had to pay someone to come in daily and take care of me. I'm not going to crunch any numbers here, but let's just say there is no way I could have afforded all that I needed to live on the hourly rate of a Disney front-line cast member. This is not Disney's fault. What they pay is plenty to sustain your average Disney-obsessed college student working his first job. But I am not average. I'm limited edition, and limited edition people sometimes incur more living expenses. So, maybe I need to stop being bitter. I'm working on it. I'm slowly warming back up to all thing Disney. After all, what's Peter Pan without his pixie dust, right?
The truth is, I'm scared. I'm kind of in a "Oh my God, Disney didn't work out, what am I supposed to do now?" place. It's a scary place. Honestly I thought moving back to Mississippi was a non-issue. Now, here I am. What do I do? I love Mississippi but it's not exactly a locale that's hopping in the theatre world. I do have my English degree. That brings me back to the question I was asked so often in college:
What are you going to do with your degrees? Teach?
Not that there's anything wrong with teaching. My grandmother taught me in both first and second grades. Teachers make the world go round in that we would not have any other profession on the planet if it weren't for teachers. I'm great with kids, I know that. But for some reason right now I'm just not feeling teaching. I think it's because I was in school for so long and the idea of being in another academic setting, whether as teacher or pupil, kind of makes me want to barf. Maybe I'll get over it someday. I'm taking the GRE at the end of next month, so we shall see.
The stage is where my heart is. Ever since I was a little kid, I've loved pretending. I learned very early in my life that my disability was not fair. I couldn't change it, but I could pretend that the tunnel I crawled through was a dragon's cave and I had to get in to find the treasure, or the wedge I crawled up in Physical Therapy could be Pride Rock, making me Simba, or the pirate ship I had at bath time could be sailing away to Neverland. My disability disappeared at play time, because the only limits were the limits of my imagination.
I didn't write any of that to get pity, or make any one sad. All of this is simply catharsis for me. An out pouring of emotion, as much for me as for the rest of you. This is why I am the way I am. The fantastical things that I love so dearly help me deal with the harshness of my reality. I mean, I have a friend who is so far having a pretty successful acting career in New Orleans. That's awesome, and it's really close, and I want to go there and act too, because I need acting like breathing, but I can't. Because of the reality of my situation.
When I was finally able to let go of all the negative feelings I had surrounding the situation, I realized that Disney is probably the best thing that ever happened to me. I grew up a lot. I got a taste of the real world. I got to do it at the most magical place on earth! I m,et some of the best and Truest friends in my life. Brad, Cameron, Andy, and Alejandro, who were all roomies already but accepted me into their family anyway. These guys are the best. I can't count the rides they helped me onto, or the times we came back late and they helped me into bed. The incomparable Molly, who ran around Epcot with me at Flower and Garden Festival, met a very kind Disney fanatic like us who gave us pins! Not to mention that when I'd burst into song randomly, she'd sing right along. Pete and Mat, two of my best friends, who ran around Hollywood Studios with me in the rain on a scavenger hunt, and didn't care that we lost because we were having too much fun. Katie, Andy S., Nicole, Maria, Kayla B., Kayla M., Lorrie, Kelly, and Hari, thank you for making work such a giggly, fun place even when I was having a bad day. Jenny and Rachel, thank you for going out of your way to make sure I got to ride big Thunder mountain one last time. Alex M., my first friend, thank you for giving me a person to talk to when I had no one else. Dana and Rebecca, thanks for tackling the Kitchen Sink with me! Katie J., thanks for letting me talk your ear off about Nemo, lol. Natasha, all I can say to you is, thank you for your courage. Your struggle and how you've come through gives me hope for my own future. Scott, THANK YOU. I have never met a Disney addict more like me, and you showed me it's okay to just be me.
I know this is long, but I have a few more things that need addressing. The first of which is Darby. Without Disney, I'd never have met my dear friend Katelyn Martin, and without her, I'd never have heard of My Angel with Paws and gotten Darby. He's amazing. He learns new things every day to help me, and never ceases to make me smile. He is a goofball, my child with paws, And I've never loved anyone more. I had to grow a LOT. He is my responsibility, and I never would've grown enough to care for him if not for Disney. I truly believe that Darby is the purpose and ultimate culmination of my college program. And I couldn't have asked for a better prize.
One last thing. Someone told me recently that I was the most influenced person they'd ever met in their life. This was said in anger, but I took and take offense to it. I have always taken pride in the fact that I march to the beat of my own drum. I don't really mind if you don't like me. or what I do. I want to be my own person. There aren't many people that I don't like. I'm genuine and real. I want to make my own mark on the world, not some pre-determined path someone chose for me. The only person limiting me is me. I 'm not sure what to do now. But life is a journey, and I like to take it one day at a time.
I'm Ryan. I'm limited edition!
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